Video Talk:Diane Lane/GA1
GA Review
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Hello, I'll be conducting this article's GA review. Overall I believe the article is in good shape, but I have a few comments/suggestions to make before I'm ready to pass it. Comments will be listed below in bullet-format, so feel free to reply to individual points and/or strike them out as they are addressed. María (habla conmigo) 17:26, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
Lead
- In order to satisfy WP:LEAD, the lead section must adequately summarize the entire article. Currently there's nothing about her early life mentioned; a sentence or two about this (where she's from, family history, etc.) would help immensely.
- Done.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Lane since appeared in several notable films, including Unfaithful... State what year Unfaithful came out, since the timeline is quite vague. I believe it should also be "Lane has since appeared..."
- Fixed.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- In her personal life, Lane dated actors... "In her personal life" seems somewhat unnecessary. I think it goes without saying.
- Fixed.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
Body
- When Lane was 13 days old, her parents split up and her mother went to Mexico and obtained a divorce while retaining custody of her daughter until age 6. This borders on being a run-on. How about breaking it up? Perhaps try, "When Lane was 13 days old, her parents split up. Her mother went to Mexico to obtain a divorce while..."?
- I like that. Fixed.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Lane remembers, "It was reckless behavior that comes from having too much independence too young": I'm not a fan of the introductory phrase here because it doesn't give any context. Present tense is also a bit tricky. "Lane later stated"? "remarked"?
- Fixed.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Lane began acting professionally at the age of six at the La MaMa Experimental Theater Club in New York, where she appeared in an acclaimed production of Medea and at 12 she had a role in Joseph Papp's production of The Cherry Orchard with Meryl Streep. Too long. Perhaps cut into two sentences after "Medea"?
- I agreed. Fixed.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- At fourteen, Lane was featured on the cover of Time declaring her one of Hollywood's "Whiz Kids". This is awkward; it sounds like Lane was the one declaring, not the magazine.
- Fixed.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Subsequently, Andy Warhol proclaimed Lane, "the undisputed female lead of Hollywood's new rat pack". Slight rewording: Andy Warhol subsequently proclaimed Lane to be 'the undisputed...'" etc.
- Fixed.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Lyne's repeated takes for these scenes were very demanding for the actors involved, especially for Lane, who had to be emotionally and physically fit for the scenes. "scenes" is used twice. "for the duration", maybe?
- That works for me. Fixed.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- The paragraph that begins "Recently, Lane has expressed frustration..." is kind of shady because it doesn't say how recent is "recent". Give some context, preferably a year.
- Done.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Same thing for the first couple of sentences in "Awards". When was this?
- Clarified.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- After the commercial and critical failure of The Cotton Club, Lane dropped out of the movie business and lived with her mother in Georgia. I think this would better belong in the "Career" section, since it shows her disappointment with the film's failure.
- I agree. Moved.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
I see no issues with OR or POV. All of the references seem to be reliable and are correctly formatted, the image fulfills criteria and is properly tagged, and the rest of the article (categories, external links, headers, dabs) look squeaky clean. Nice work! Once the above minor prose/lead issues are taken care of, I'll be more than happy to promote the article to GA-status. Until then I'll put it on hold. Please contact me via my talkpage if you have any questions or concerns. María (habla conmigo) 18:55, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks for all the suggestions and comments. I have made all of the changes you suggested. Let me know if anything else needs to be tweaked.--J.D. (talk) 05:21, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
- Great, this has much improved and I now believe it fulfills the GA criteria. Congrats! María (habla conmigo) 16:42, 14 February 2009 (UTC)
Source of the article : Wikipedia
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